Worship Opportunities

***This is [lightly edited] from my CaringBridge 3 years ago. Re-reading this and some other things prompted me to write this poem (click for link), leaning into some of the achy spaces of Mother’s Day. ***

Mother’s Day carries a spectrum of emotions and realities, doesn’t it? For some, it celebrates the joyful experience of being a first-time mother. I can remember my first Mother’s Day 15 years ago. My mom’s mom (Oma) had come to visit in Raleigh to meet her first great-grandchild, our Emma. We took photos capturing those four generations of women together. Such a sweet time. 

For many, Mother’s Day holds an ache in it, though. The pain of losing a mother, the groan of longing to be a mother, the realities that we will never be the perfect mother.  Sometimes there’s pain associated with a wayward or distant child. For mothers who put their children in the care of another family through adoption, their hearts certainly ache, as well, and they ought to be remembered for doing what they knew would be best for their baby. That is a true, sacrificial love of a mother. 

On Mother’s Day last year we held a special announcement for our children. We had discovered on May 4th that we were blessed with our biggest surprise EVER and on Mother’s Day we shared the exciting news with our kids. We took a video of their varied responses, and my heart hurts because somehow it must’ve gotten deleted. We went to Glencairn gardens that afternoon, though, and took a slew of happy, cheerful pictures which we do have to look back on. I had visions of our happy family of 8 and what next Mother’s Day would be like. 

Now, this Mother’s Day carries a heaviness I never anticipated bearing up under, but yet a gladness at the things God has done in our lives in this past year and a confident rest in the assurances of His goodness and sovereignty.

This morning I went for an incredibly early morning, lengthy walk to process a variety of things, pray,  and listen to a podcast. Mother’s Day holds so much joy in my heart, but I think there will forever be a recurrent, sometimes constant, ache over the loss of my mother and the loss of MonaJean. 

I mentioned in my last post that I’ve been meditating on Psalm 34 a lot. It’s one that David wrote, carrying a familiar verse, “Oh taste and see that the Lord is good.” (Oh how true this is!!!) Though I’m still processing the whole context, this is a verse that captured my attention: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” 

As I’ve been mulling over this verse and then the ones surrounding it, I can see how being in a place of brokenness is actually the very best place to be and to STAY, not necessarily due to challenges, but difficult circumstances can precipitate a broken spirit. It doesn’t mean being sad all the time or focusing on the hard things in life. In fact, I believe brokenness drives us to the greatest joy we could ever experience. Read what Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth writes in her book Brokenness (a book I HIGHLY recommend!!!):

“Brokenness is not a feeling or an emotion. Rather, it requires a choice, an act of the will. Further, this choice is not primarily a onetime experience, though there may be profound and life-changing spiritual turning points in our lives. True brokenness is an ongoing, constant way of life. True brokenness is a lifestyle– a moment-by-moment lifestyle of agreeing with God about the true condition of my heart and life– not as everyone else thinks it is but as He knows it to be. Brokenness is the shattering of my self-will– the absolute surrender of my will to the will of God. It is saying, “Yes, Lord!”– no resistance, no chafing, no stubbornness– simply submitting myself to His direction and will in my life.”

She goes on to write, “Brokenness is the stripping of self-reliance and independence from God. The broken person has no confidence in his own righteousness or his own works, but he is cast in total dependence upon the grace of God working in and through him. Brokenness is the softening of the soil of my heart– it is the breaking up of any clods of resistance that could keep the seed from penetrating and taking root. I believe one of the reasons many pastors faithfully preach the Word week after week and see so little fruit in the lives of their listeners is that the soil in many of our hearts has become so hard and fallow that the seed cannot penetrate. Believers with broken, contrite hearts are receptive and responsive to the Word.” And there’s more. But I’ll let you buy the book and read it. It’s so good.

So, anyway, if brokenness characterizes your Mother’s Day and your EVERY day, rest assured that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted.